Flowey Gets a Journal
by Prettydog200
Summary: Howdy. Yep, it's me. Flowey. Flowey the flower. This is the journal I'm supposed to write in now. Just know that I did NOT want to do this. This was Frisk's idea and Toriel endorsed it. Don't expect me to write in here every day. I'm just writing right now because I have nothing better to do. Post-Pacifist. Floweypot AU
1. Entries 1-10

1\. This is stupid.

2\. I'm not writing in this. I don't need it.

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3\. LEAVE ME ALONE, FRISK.

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4\. IM DONE

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5\. I'm so bored but I still don't want to write in here.

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6\. Hi. ...so I'm writing in here... Uh, forget it! This is too stupid.

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7\. What if you guys just want me to write in here to make me suffer? Don't think I don't see what you're trying to do. Well, I'm not giving you that satisfaction!

8\. I'm not an idiot! I'm not gonna do it! You really think I'm going to write in HERE?! FAT. CHANCE.

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9\. I. AM. NOT. GOING. TO. WRITE IN HERE. I DON'T NEED THIS STUPID JOURNAL FRISK SO STOP.

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10\. Howdy... I'm Flowey. Flowey the flower.


	2. Entry 11

11\. Yep, it's me. Flowey. Flowey the flower. This is the journal I'm supposed to write in now. Just know that I did NOT want to do this. This was Frisk's idea and Toriel endorsed it. They said it would help make me 'calm'. Maybe I don't WANT to be calm! How about that? This is so stupid. I'm not a baby.

Anyway, since I can't write, Frisk taught me how to use his laptop. He even password protected this document so I could have privacy. I think it's Fl4m1n60 or something like that. Doesn't matter if I write it in here because no one will figure it out. Hee Hee Hee!

Also, it's not like I'm going to write anything important in here. I'm not a writer. I used to write essays in school and ...they sucked. You don't have to tell me twice that I'm a bad writer. The prompts we had to write about were so boring, too. It was about things like "Write about your favorite time of year," or "Write about why you think it's important to be a good reader." My favorite one was "If you and your best friend had the whole school to yourself for the day, what would you do?" That one was fun. I wrote about Chara. She used to tell me about her school on the surface and how much it sucked. She would rather have Mom homeschool her like me. Honestly, hearing her talk about her old school was interesting. Sometimes I even wished I could go to the surface just to go to school with her. As you can see, the surface was EVERYTHING I imagined it would be... NOT!

Don't expect me to write in here every day. I'm just writing right now because I have nothing better to do. All the crayons are broken and I'm stuck in Frisk's room. The Internet is boring. Frisk doesn't come home for at least two hours. What the hell am I supposed to do!?


	3. Entries 12-13

**Author's Note: Hey, everyone! First off, I want to thank all of you for the reviews and all the support I've gotten so far! I have really high hopes for this fic. I just want to let you know that these chapters will be short, especially in the beginning as Flowey tries to open up. However, I'm thinking about uploading two chapters at a time so it doesn't feel that short. If it's longer, I'll just let it stand on its own for that day. Overall, I want to try and post at least twice a week. I could upload it all at once, but I think it would take away from the bond with Flowey compared to if I did it over time. I think it would be stronger like that.**

 **Anyway, here we go!**

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12\. I haaaaaate these people. Not because they hurt me or anything. PLEASE, they could NEVER hurt me! I'm just done. I thought that maybe they'd be somewhat different coming to the surface, but NOPE! It still feels like I'm reading a script. They're so STUPID! I HATE that so much! That's why I stay with Frisk most of the time. I still prefer Chara, but he looks like her and hasn't hit puberty yet, so I'm just working with what I got.

Also, I hate being in a flower pot. This pot makes me uncomfortable and everyone is so stupid they just can't seem to see that! I swear no one listens to me! Why am I even here!?

13\. Frisk says he's happy I'm finally using this crummy thing. He says my mood has been starting to light up. I think he's just brain dead.


	4. Entry 14

14\. Frisk lets me stay outside now when he goes to school. He and Toriel think that the serene surroundings will help me 'behave'. They even brought the laptop out here, in case I wanted to journal. Now the sun is glaring into the screen and it's pissing me off.

At least I'm away from everyone. I can barely stand them. Sometimes when Frisk isn't around, I hang out with Papyrus. He's somewhat enjoyable. We put puzzles together and stuff, but he likes making them in the backyard better. He uses whatever he could get his hands on - sticks, rocks, levers, neon letters. I don't know where he gets those things. Don't ask me. I'm just thankful to be outside. In the soil so I could let out my roots. Sometimes I help him. Other times, like today, I just berate him. Anything I do flatters him anyway.

Then Undyne rushed - no pounded - her way into the picture. She wanted some good ol' fashioned get together from what I saw. Since it had been several months after their last cooking lesson in the Underground, they just HAD to commemorate the occasion. Only with burgers instead of spaghetti this time. I had to plead with Sans to keep them from setting the house on fire. Also, they were wearing these ridiculous hats and Papyrus was wearing a white polo and red tie. And Sans was shirtless. ... I REALLY don't want to know.


	5. Entries 15-19

15\. I killed Toriel today because she wouldn't give me the action figure I wanted. Ugh, that sounds so stupid on paper! Forget it! Whatever. I don't need this dumb journal anyway!

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16\. Apparently, Papyrus can swim in midair. I am perturbed.

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17\. Frisk says I should use this dumb document more. NO. IM NOT GONNA USE IT. ITS USELESS! This journal won't change me! Nothing can! That moron thinks I'm kidding when I say that I have no SOUL. He pisses me off!

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18\. Today I asked Frisk what his blood tastes like. Everyone calls me a vampire now. I asked Chara once what her blood tasted like, too. She never took it well either.

19\. Sans hasn't stopped making vampire-related puns since the incident. He's always talking about how he's not my type and tried feeding me wine and ice cream. Toriel stopped him from giving me the wine, as if it really mattered. Sans is a real pain in the neck.

...

I am SO done with you, Sans!


	6. Entry 20

20\. I know killing everyone is pointless with Frisk around, but sometimes I just kill people out of habit, y' know? No one's gonna go around calling ME a crybaby. No, sir! I let them have it. I don't even care if it's Frisk. He's so busy trying to fix me. I'm busy trying to break him. I tried that the first couple of weeks I was here. Obviously, it didn't work out. He'd RESET every time.

Now he's giving me music. He thinks THAT is going to calm me down. Yeah, right. Because this song about grabbing booties is REALLY making me calm right now. Idiot.

I gotta admit though, it's better than Napstablook's music. Or Mettaton's. Mettaton has a singing voice, but I don't think he knows how to sing. I remember Mettaton trying to audition for The X Factor several weeks ago. One of the guy judges said that he almost shattered his glass of water from how bad he was. I had to laugh. He went to our house before the audition to practice and he broke my pot. That was fun. I killed him, but before that I told him that he had no talent. Frisk scolding me after the fact only proves the lack of intelligence he has. I mean, isn't it better to have your friends be blunt with you than some renowned critic judge you in front of millions and millions of viewers? Some of those viewers have never even seen Mettaton! He couldn't even get that many viewers if he tried. Frisk and the others tried to get him to stop, but that fool wouldn't listen to us. They were more polite than I was, but still. And now that I think about it, he probably knew what he was doing. After the audition, he got a contract from this big production group and now he and some other monsters have their own show. It won't be out for at least several months, but whatever.

And by the way Mettaton, autotune does NOT count as true talent.

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 **Author's Note: Hey guys! Thanks for all the great reviews! I was actually so surprised to wake up and find like 3 reviews at the same time. I was like "WOOOOOAH DUUUUUUDE!" That's NEVER happened before, so that's amazing! At least for me. Anyway, I was so excited to put up the next chapter today! AND I'm very happy to say that this story is completed! The whole document in itself is about 15K words. As well, most chapters seem to be long enough that I could post once a day. That will start on Wednesday.**

 **See ya, soon! ;P**


	7. Entries 21-26

21\. Sans got new library books for Toriel today. He finally got around to asking her about her time in the Ruins. She told him how everything in the Ruins had always been just about the same and that things had grown boring after a while. Story of my life. She especially complained about reading the same books, which was why Sans got them.

I'd read those books too if I could stay awake long enough to finish one in a single go. I never seem to get through the more thicker books without drooling all over them. It's really disgusting. No wonder Chara wouldn't let me sleep in her bed some nights. Frisk says I drool too, but I don't like talking about it. That's also embarrassing.

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22\. YAY! Toriel got new crayons! Finally! I can stop using this stupid journal and start drawing again. A few weeks ago, I broke Frisk's crayons because he kept hogging the green. Jerk. Then I broke all of his crayons and beat him up. I don't want to talk about it.

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23\. I HATE EVERYONE! They don't understand me at all! Frisk think he understands me, but he doesn't! He really doesn't at all. Yesterday, he hogged the green crayon AGAIN. I thought I was going to kill him! Then Toriel put me in the corner. I hate this! I HATE THESE STUPID PEOPLE! I HATE THIS CRAMPY POT, AND I HATE MY LIFE!

24\. It's raining today, so I can't go outside. Frisk decided to play for me that horrible music about grabbing people's butts. He says it's not his fault, it's the music player he's using. I swear, if Mom found out about this, HE'D be put in the corner! Hee Hee Hee... I'm gonna turn it on really loud so Toriel could hear. Now I just have to wait for her to come.

25\. She came! (For once.) The look on her face was HILARIOUS! I thought Frisk was going to die for sure. She was SCREAMING mad! Oh, no. She's coming back. Wait-nou fuc

26\. Finally she gave the computer back. It took FOREVER because she kept asking what the hell is wrong with that music player. It was so annoying! I wanted to hit her just to get it back, but she was downstairs. She just came back with the laptop now and told Frisk to download more tranquil songs for me to listen to. I told Frisk that if he touched the laptop that I would slice his hand off. He smiled at me and gave me a hug. I let him do it (this time). He's such a weirdo.


	8. Entries 27-28

27\. Frisk is asleep now. I don't think he'll mind if I borrow his computer for awhile. I can't sleep. I guess things aren't so bad. I forgot how many times Frisk had SAVED and RESET since I've come to the surface. I honestly lost track. I don't see my dad much now and the only time I've seen him, I remembered that time he told Frisk how they'd make him family. I literally threw every bullet I could muster at the guy before Frisk RESET everything. After that, I haven't seen him since. Sometimes I really did want to visit him. Sit in his garden for awhile. Asgore loved gardening more than Toriel had.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen now that I've lost my ability to SAVE. I still try to do it out of habit, but nothing ever happens. I feel so imprisoned, like I've been stripped of all I had. What did I do to deserve this? If this world isn't "kill or be killed", then why did this happen to me? I hate Chara so much. Why does she get a nice and peaceful death while I have to sit in this damn pot and suffer? This wasn't my idea. I didn't even want to go along with this plan!

...Chara, I'm sorry. You know I don't really hate you. I just hate myself. That, and I don't think I truly care about you. I just want to see you again. Go back to the way things used to be when we'd eat butterscotch pie and tell each other stories with Mom and Dad. I miss when we used to play together and you'd always draw these really creepy pictures. Remember when I tried to make my OC just as cool as your drawings? It was the first drawing you ever really liked. When I absorbed everyone's SOULS, that was the drawing I first thought of. The truth is that I always think of you and even if I did try to run away, I couldn't. You still have every piece of me locked within your SOULless heart.

Ugh eeeew, I'm getting water all over the keyboard. I hate being this tiny! Guess I better wipe this up.

Okay. Thank goodness that's done. I don't want Frisk to know I've been journaling. Haha. I can't believe I'm actually USING this thing. At least I have some privacy. Now to browse through Frisk's Steam account.

28\. I found a game called Team Fortress 2. It's really fun. You get to kill people and everything! The Heavy is my favorite. He's so much bigger than everyone else. He practically towers over them! Hee Hee Hee~! He's got a giant gun, too!

I'm gonna go to bed now. Better close this out before Frisk sees this and reads EVERYTHING. That would be humiliating.


	9. Entries 29-30

29\. I have great news! Toriel says that if I behave, I can go to school with Frisk and I don't have to be homeschooled anymore! FINALLY! I hate being homeschooled! Especially because Toriel is a teacher now at an actual school so she got SANS to teach me! He doesn't even TEACH! He just sets me on the couch and makes me watch My Little Pony for an hour! Seriously, what the hell is WRONG with him?! He's making me watch a show for girls! You know what the worst part is, though? It's that... I actually like it. I've never told anyone about it, but it's really good sometimes. It's about ponies beating up bad guys using the power of friendship. It kinda speaks to me in a way... Discord is by far my favorite! I just wish I could get his stupid voice right! I've been trying to perfect it for weeks, but it still sucks! It just never sounds right! UUUUGH! It's so perfect! I could never live up to his standards!

30\. I tried to work my Discord impression again today, but Sans laughed at me. I don't know why but sometimes I get angry easily. I never had it before I became a plant, bu- oh wait, now I know. Because I can FEEL it! I tried to hit Sans with a vine, but he's like Spider-Man. It's like he has a sixth sense or something. He's weird. Anyway, he stuck me in the corner and then put a cone on my head. I don't understand why he had to make it so big, though. That thing nearly ate me alive!

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 **Author's Note: Hey guys! Thanks for all the support so far~! I'm very excited to say that the next chapter is going to be long one. A much longer one than the chapters written so far. So I think you guys are really going to enjoy it! It's probably one of my favorite ones and maybe I got a little too into it. I dunno. We'll see what you guys think! After I wrote that chapter, I was like "I HAVE to show this to somebody!" because I was originally writing this for my amusement. Anyway, see ya Wednesday! ;P**


	10. Entries 31-32

31\. Frisk has been gone for awhile since coming home from school. He was about to do his homework when Sans called him over. I haven't seen either of them since. I think they're talking about me.

Ever since Frisk brought me here, he's been RESETing A LOT. Boy was that fun! So Alphys and Sans finally caught up, huh? I can tell that Sans has been weary with me. He pretty much acts like himself, but around me his words seem more... thought out, I guess? It was like that time he took me to the Grillby's back in the Underground.

That reminds me, he took me to Grillby's again last Friday. It was the same way I remember it, too. During one of my older runs through the Underground, Sans invited me to Grillby's with him. He said we could call it a date. It was out of the blue, just like this time. I can't believe I was so desperate that I actually said yes.

Grillby's looks just about the same as it did Underground. Only it's much more open. Other than that, all of the regulars were there. There were some humans too, but they looked intimidating. As if they'd beat you up if you looked at them the wrong way, but I couldn't stop staring. I told myself to mind my own business, but I haven't seen a grown human in years. I kept analyzing one of them, memorizing even the minor details. He basically looked like Undyne except with really big muscles and a 5 o'clock shadow like my dad got that one time he shaved his beard. He looked up just when Sans nudged my stem. I felt weird after that.

After Sans and I ordered, we talked for awhile. He said he's really proud of that I've 'calmed down'. Meanwhile, I'm just waiting for the punchline. It had been two days since I last killed someone. It was Papyrus and Undyne this time, because Papyrus wouldn't stop bothering me and then Undyne came to avenge him. Thank GOODNESS Sans wasn't there. I don't even think he remembers it happening, but after he's done talking to Frisk, I don't think we'll be going on a date anytime soon.

So, I laughed right in his face at my own little inside joke, but all Sans did is smile. All Sans ever does is smile. Just in case he forgets how. I remember the last time I tried striking a conversation with Sans on these dates, things were really awkward between us. Now things were tense. I didn't talk to him much. Instead, he did all the talking. He said it would benefit me if I talked to Toriel more. She's the only one I haven't really opened up to.

You probably won't believe this, but when I first came to the surface with Frisk, I never talked to anyone for about a week. I was irked, irate, and next to inconsolable. If anyone did try to talk to me, I'd hit them senselessly because I didn't want to try, anymore. I was so tired. I honestly have no idea how Frisk brought me out of that.

Or maybe I do. He caught me with a vine against my throat once. I think I shot almost three rounds of bullets before he grabbed my head and told me to look at him. He kept spitting his blood in my face, but I've never seen his eyes this DETERMINED before.

He said, "I understand you. This probably doesn't make sense, but I do. You're the only one with the ability to SAVE other than me. We know things that other people don't and we talked a lot. Please, don't do this. Things do get better, Flowey. But you have to try. What happened?"

I told him that my life happened.

He said it was about time I had a new life. I was just about to hit him again when he told me "I need you. If you're going to do it, you're going to have to take me with you."

I held back. Why would he want to join me and upset all of these other people? He actually has a reputation among monsters, now. A good reputation. Not one where everyone thinks that you're even worse than a demon. Why would ANYONE pass up a reputation like that? Especially for someone like me. He then told me he had been playing with the timelines. I knew he couldn't resist! With power like that, who wouldn't? He told me about how he hurt so many people. People who loved him. People who even gave up their SOULs for him. He talked about how it tortured him sometimes, knowing that no one remembers at all. I don't even remember what he did. I thought at that point that he was just crazy. I remember everything, but Frisk told me how at one point he erased my memory... I don't know how to feel about that, but I believed him.

He said he needed me because I was someone to talk to. Someone to keep him grounded. I told him to leave me alone. He wouldn't, though so I knocked him out. Everyone thought he was dead after that. When he woke up, he was surrounded by numerous hugs from the people he loved. Meanwhile, I got solitary confinement. If Frisk or the others knew about what went on later that night, then maybe they wouldn't use the word 'trying' so loosely.

Anyways, at Grillby's last week. I don't know why, but that strange feeling I had didn't seem to leave me. As a matter of fact, it seemed to get worse. I turned to Sans and tensed up, as if this were something new, at Sans' arm behind his back. I looked over cautiously aaand... he was just scratching his butt. He offered to put ketchup on my fries, but I barked at him, "Don't even think about it." He merely shrugged and drank it up, like he always does.

After that, he went along with some of his pals and they played some games together. I mainly sat there and watched, glancing at that creepy human from time to time. The only interesting thing there. Eventually, he approached us.

I don't know what came over me, but he smelled weird and his face was hard. I thought he was glaring down on me. It felt like there was something crawling on my back. I couldn't breathe. I practically lurched onto the skeleton like some needy child. I don't know what that human said and I really don't want to know. All I remember was me acting like an idiot. I kept tugging onto Sans that if he didn't get me out of there that I was going to pass out. Eventually he got up and left.

I felt so stupid. Sans had to hold me while I tried to get a hold of myself. What the hell is WRONG with me!? With this stupid body! It's like I can't do anything right! I can't believe I'm even TALKING about this! I just wanted to forget about it.

I was such a crybaby. A dumb crybaby. Why did Sans of all people have to see me like that!? WHY HIM?! He's even dating my mom and I knew when she found out about him consoling me, she'd love him even more. After that, I guess I could say that I broke. Just like that. In my adversary's arms. I felt like the most pathetic thing in the world...

Then he started to hum. It was funny, in a way. I never knew he could hum. I thought I knew everything there was about everyone. Guess I could say that more boldly now. Anyways, it seemed to help me think straight. I thought that if I could focus on his voice, it would help me get a hold of my bearings.

The ride home was quiet for the most part. Again, Sans did all the talking. I warned him not to tell anyone about it, but he joked on how I sounded like his brother. As a matter of fact, he said that he uses the same song on his brother when he has nightmares. He said it calmed him down every time.

When we got home, the first thing I did was ask for Toriel. She came over and smiled deliriously, bending over to listen to anything I had to say to her. I didn't have anything to say to her. I just wanted to shower her with bullets. When Frisk RELOADed his SAVE, however, he looked like he was about to shower me with bullets. Wow! Has it really been an hour since I wrote in here? Frisk is back now.

32\. I asked Frisk why he and Sans took so long talking to each other. Frisk said that half the time they spent talking. The other half they spent watching television. Frisk explained that Sans and Alphys found out about the RESETS, the last one on their records being last Friday night. I bluntly explained to Frisk that it was his fault and that he should have just left things the way it was. He stared at me like I knew he couldn't do that. He also looked like he wanted to kill me.

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 **Author's Note: My gosh, the reviews are going HAM, my boy! You guys are awesome! I actually love reading all of your comments. It's actually one of the funnest parts for me. :3**

 **Just in case you're wondering, the song Sans is humming is "You Are M** **y Sunshine". Usually meant for PAPYRUS, but then Flowey happened. So what's the one conclusion I could bring this chapter to? Being Flowey is suffering.**


	11. Entries 33-39

33\. Toriel still wonders why I don't talk to her. Well, I have my reasons. One of them being that she's dating my worst enemy. I can't stand seeing them together. Sometimes they like to come in while Frisk and I are watching TV and rent the room for awhile. They don't do anything in there. As a matter of fact, they do next to nothing. I'm pretty sure the loud howling noises we're hearing are coming from Toriel's laughter. That's about all they do. Tell each other puns. I hardly consider that a date. I hardly consider a date with Sans to be a 'date'. Period. I'm hoping that Sans would just get too lazy to date her and back off.

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34\. This music Toriel put on is so LAME! Man, this music SUCKS. Where is that music player Frisk uses? Maybe I could listen to some of that.

35\. HAH! FOUND IT! At least with this music I could jam out while I use the Internet. I think the lyrics are weird, but it has a good beat. This song seems clean, though. It's called "Whistle" by Flo Rida.

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36\. I'm SO BOOOORED! I swear there's nothing to do in this dump. Whenever someone doesn't spend time with me (and that's been the majority of the time as of late), I either play video games or sleep. Why does Frisk get to go to school, anyway? He's just as bad as I am! Last week, he got a detention for flirting with the PRINCIPAL! Man, was he DESPERATE. I haven't been THAT desperate since I've tried flirting with my DAD and that was only to get the SOULs. That... obviously didn't work out as I hoped. I mean, he was weirded out. I was weirded out. It was just a mess. I don't know WHY I hadn't tried that out BEFOREHAND.

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37\. Frisk said if I behave, Toriel would let me go to the carnival with him. You know, I never realized how much I really hated my mom until yesterday or so. At first, I thought making impressions of her was a good thing. I guess those video game commentaries I watch are starting to get to me. I also kinda... cussed her out, too. I hate swearing. I thought it would be one of the last things I'd ever do. Then again, so were my thoughts on murder. My mom hates swearing too, but I don't know. She got to me yesterday. Always trying to get me to speak. I called her a bitch. She cried. Not out of sadness, but of joy. Frisk wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night.

 **You** **better watch your mouth mister, or you're grounded**.

38\. Finally, I can use my crayons again. GOLLY! I had to wait FOREVER to get these stupid things and all I had to do was cuss out my mom. And she said it was a BAD thing! Hee Hee Hee... I'm gonna have fun with all 120 of these crayons!

39\. OH MY GOSH, I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE BOTHER ME WHEN I'M BUSY! IDIOTS, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M COLORING!?

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 **Author's Note: There's a cockroach in my room and I can't go to bed now. Help.**


	12. Entries 40-41

40\. It's been awhile since I've last killed anybody. I wouldn't call it a record. Maybe it's an improvement. Frisk told me that he was sorry about the crayon incident. Again. As if my life actually melted before my very eyes over one stupid crayon. Silly human! My life melted before my very eyes AGES AGO.

Frisk asked Toriel to bake my favorite pie to celebrate. I should be happy about this. Whatever that feels like. I miss mom's cooking, though.

41\. Papyrus took me to see Undyne and Alphys, today. They're the smart ones. Anyway, we watched some anime Alphys found. Sometimes she complains that the old school anime was better. Undyne partially agrees with her. I honestly don't care.

I've never told anyone this, but I actually have a soft spot for anime. I blame Alphys for that. And my own boredom. I think it's better than "Western Animations" (whatever that means) in a way. It's less politically correct.

Anyway, after that, Undyne threatened to kick my butt. Apparently Alphys told her about the timelines. I let Undyne know that Toriel was baking me a pie today to celebrate me not being a relentless killer for five days. It wasn't like I didn't try. I don't even know WHY I tried. You can't reason with Undyne. Her anger is nothing but hot gas.

But THEN, after Alphys and Papyrus WARNED her not to fight me, Undyne admitted that I was weird and she was only constipated. Then I inquired Alphys on what she actually told her. She explained that she and Sans picked up ratings on the amount of jumps through the space-time continuum. They even had reports going as far back as BEFORE Frisk fell Underground. Actually there were A LOT of ratings between the time I woke up and when Frisk fell. She knows it's me. I think Sans knows it's me, too.

Alphys said that she only warned Undyne not to provoke me. I then yelled at her after looking at those reports. I don't know how long it was. I think it was two minutes I couldn't stop myself from saying every horrible thing under the sun. I probably hate her more than any one of Frisk's friends. SHE'S the reason why I'm like this in the first place. SHE'S the reason why I've been stripped of everything I've ever loved in this world. First my best friend, then my parents, and lastly my very morals. Why did she even create me?! Was I supposed to be some beacon of sin for other monsters? Why the hell did I have to suffer? I did nothing wrong!

While I'm yelling at her, she started bawling like she always does whenever I do this and Undyne caught us and pulled out her spear. I was such an idiot. My anger got me so disoriented that I couldn't pull out my bullets fast enough and got impaled. Next thing I know, I'm in Frisk's room and it's the beginning of the day. All over again. I should be expecting a soon-to-be-rejected invitation to Undyne's house very soon.

I asked Frisk if I still got pie for not killing anybody. He put a live snail on my face. How DISGUSTING.

Welp, guess since I'll be here for awhile, I'll just use the Internet. Read some Wikipedia. Boy, it sucks having to do a whole day over again.

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 **Author's Note:** **To be honest, I don't think I'm THAT great with Alphys and Undyne. Particularly in this fic. I think I could have arced them better, but whatever. You'll probably see what I mean in later chapters. I think it's because I tend to gravitate towards some characters more than others and it probably shows... but the story still flows so we'll work with it. Though, I have to say that in the game, I actually really liked Undyne. She's so hot-headed yet passionate too~!**

 **Also, in terms of cockroach chronicles, we killed one yesterday. I was so excited to tell you guys... until I heard some crackling noises just a few minutes ago... under my bed. It's okay. I didn't want to sleep anyway. Excuse me while I cry.**


	13. Entries 42-45

42\. Frisk is such a weirdo. For the last several days, he's been irritated with me. Then yesterday, he fed me a pie slice and sat in bed with me, holding me in his lap. I don't know what the heck he was talking about. I was tired. Everything went over my head. I think he said something about how his friends don't deserve him or something. I agreed with him half heartedly and told him that he was a baby. Then I told him to put me back on the desk before he cried all over me. That's nasty, bro.

Now I could really kill for some water. The sun is blazing hot, today. I'm outside and Papyrus, who NEVER sleeps, is napping at the WORST. POSSIBLE. TIME. I hear footsteps, though. Gimme a moment.

Oh man, that is SOO much better! It's so refreshing and cool. I can't help myself from lapping it up. Though, you know when I said that I could really kill for some water right now? I meant it. There's a repulsive dead body right next to me but hey - I got a free water bottle. Now, what to do with this stupid thing. I forgot that humans don't turn to dust like monsters do. Ew. Stop staring at me like that. You're so GROSS!

43\. UGH! His body is HUGE! He's like ten times my size. What does a flower gotta do to get some WATER around here?!

44\. OH GREAT. Sans is here. So much for covering up.

45\. So. I have GREAT news! We didn't have to do today over again. Instead, Sans levitated the body and dropped it off in the woods somewhere. He was sweating the whole time. Because putting your foot on a gas pedal while steering a wheel is SO HARD for a lazy skeleton. I asked him why he was helping me. He stated that he wasn't, but was actually helping Frisk. Then he flicked me in the face.

I'm actually VERY tired of days being reset over and over again. No one thinks that I am because I kill so much, but I am. And killing people is boring too, but I just can't seem to stop. It's like breathing in a way. I thought the ability to SAVE was like breathing, but murder has become my ventilator.

Now Frisk has reset so much that I feel confused all over again. Why did I think things were going to get better? I've lost track of time all over again. Sans said that I could be a better person if I just try, but I don't want to try anymore. How can you fix something that's not even THERE?!


	14. Entries 46-50

46\. Okay, I behaved. I killed a guy. BUT I STILL BEHAVED. I. want. To go. To the carnival! They said they're giving me one more week to redeem myself, but I wanna go TODAY! I've been a good little flower all week. Why can't I go!?

47\. Frisk isn't going today, either. He said he wouldn't go if I can't go. At least that's an improvement. If I can't go, NOBODY goes.

48\. Frisk wanted to play with me, but I wasn't in the mood. I spent the whole day drawing and eating his gummy worms. I mistook one with a crayon. That was dumb. I nearly choked myself!

49\. I miss Chara. I miss having arms and legs. One time we were playing nearby Waterfall. In a remote part where not many monsters go by. It was Chara's idea to come there. I was reluctant, but adventurous and decided to join her.

It started out as any one of our games. We were playing pirates, looking for buried treasure. Only we had no shovels. And the particular plants surrounding us had very sharp thorns. Some of them even pierced into our pants. Chara didn't seem to care. She'd scrape through the dirt like it was nobody's business.

As for me, I wasn't so lucky. My hands and feet were covered in thorns. Eventually it hurt to move them. I cried out like a baby that it was too painful and that I couldn't take anymore, but Chara merely smiled and said, "One day, you'll wish for this pain to come back." I knew Chara had a rough life on the surface, yet I thought she had just lost it from all the blood trickling down her fingers. But now I know. I know EXACTLY what she was talking about.

Eventually Gerson spotted us. He took us all the way back to the king. Dad was horrified while Mom was outraged. After dad bandaged up Chara's hands, she started plucking the thorns off my feet and massaging them. She massaged them with her battered hands. The bandages made my feet tingle in a way that no one else could have or ever could. After that, I begged her constantly to massage my feet again until the day she died.

I have no feet now. But my roots feel so numb that they could ache. I don't think my SOUL was in my chest anymore. It was in my feet.

50\. I drew a picture of Chara and I together. With the thorns and we're wearing our friendship lockets. It's LONG past bedtime. Frisk had fallen asleep hours ago. I'm trying to keep my eyes open.

I hide all my my drawings in an old book from the Ruins. I don't think Toriel likes the book I chose and that's just perfect. I don't lmg anyone to looking at my drawings. I don't want anyone looking in these journals. At least this has a password. These drawings don't.

Also, Frisk has a rope under his bed. Don't ask me why that's there. I don't care. I can't feel anything at all. Why do you thin I hate it here so much.

Anyway, I'm going to bed. I just can't seem to type tonight. Or stay awake.


	15. Entries 51-55

51\. Frisk says that all the kids at school bully him. STILL? Didn't he learn anything from me? That being nice only gets you hurt? This kid, I swear! Such a WEENIE!

* * *

52\. There's a lot of things that Chara said that I understand now. If only My Little Pony would understand. That friends are just enemies you haven't made yet. Not the other way around.

53\. Sans is making me write a letter to Princess Celestia about Friendship. And I laughed to his face. I feel like I lost brain cells just thinking about what to write.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Howdy! I learned that in this world, it's KILL or BE KILLED. You think friendship is a thing? More like a LIABILITY. You can't just befriend people and think they'll be good. And even if they do, do you really expect them to always have your back? Things don't work like that. Not in the REAL world.

I don't know what you're teaching your subjects, Princess, but you got it all wrong. REALLY WRONG. Someone oughta teach you how things ACTUALLY work over there. Maybe if I get those human SOULs back, I'll come over and give YOU a lesson on friendship. Then you could write me a letter on what YOU learned!

Your Best Friend,

FLOWEY the FLOWER. ;P

54\. OH MY GOSH. Sans. Put my letter. On the refrigerator. Now Toriel is going to READ it. Whatever. I don't care. What I wrote is true, anyway.

55\. Toriel wanted me to talk to her again around dinner time. I told her to go fuck herself. I'm disgusting...


	16. Entries 56-57

56\. Chara and I used to do all these cool things as a kid. One time she took me to this bar downtown because she was thirsty, but we needed these cards in order to go in and these costumes so nobody would know it was us. We got in, even though I was dumb and thought that we wouldn't. We used some of my allowance to order some small cups. They were so gross, but Chara said it only lasted for a moment. It was only to make way for the best part. We got loopy!

At least for once in my life I listened to Chara. We pretended not to be loopy in front of our parents. I don't know how I even pulled that off. I couldn't even walk straight! When we got into our room, I got so sick! I was hacking up meals for AGES after that, but Chara was fine. It was like she was used to this kind of stuff.

There are some bottles in the house that my parents NEVER let me touch so when I became a flower, a grabbed the bottles and broke them, lapping up whatever was left inside. I could see why they wouldn't let me drink it, though. It made me loopy too! Loopy and depressed. The world RESET itself before I got my bearings again. I HATED that stuff, but I had never felt so close to feeling accomplished! I shouted above the garden, "Chara look! I got wasted! I got wasted all by myself!" Then the king stared at me and I had to run away. I'm not sure what threw the king off more - a flower getting wasted or a flower having legs.

And yes, I CAN walk. Barely. I don't like to use them. They're very stubby.

* * *

57\. I killed a dog today because it peed on me. Then Papyrus sprayed water on my face. Also, Sans said I get an F in conduct. Again. Fuck those guys! I killed one of them with a swift whacking of my vine. Then Sans blew me to smithereens. When I woke up, it was morning again. Frisk was sobbing. I laughed and called him a crybaby.

 **Frisk, go and clean your room. NOW!**


	17. Entries 58-59

58\. FINALLY. Frisk has been on the computer ALL. DAY. and he wouldn't share! Now that he's in the bathroom, I thought I might seize the opportunity.

Chara, remember when we used to talk to each other even after you were dead? I remember. I used to talk to you all the time. I wonder whatever happened to that? I miss your voice. It always used to calm me whenever I'd have a nightmare. It was like honey to me. Like the small spoonful of honey mom likes to add to her pies.

Living on the surface is HORRIBLE, Chara. You were right. These people don't even look at me anymore. Not without their scowls and disapproving eyes. Nobody even smiles or tells me that they love me anymore. Except Papyrus, but he does that to everyone. Though now he's looking a little down too and he usually carries a spring in his step.

Things haven't been going well for any of us. Not since all this stupid anti-monster propaganda showed up on the News. Papyrus tried to open an Italian restaurant awhile back. Mettaton helped him with it. Though now somebody trashed the restaurant. The poor buddy thought they'd left gifts for him, but forgot where the door was. Sans told him that they were not gifts. Those things were thrown to destroy.

Then Toriel almost got run out of a job at that school she teaches at. They would have done the same to Undyne, but nobody messes with Undyne. Yesterday, she told us how she took a grown man and hurled him at a group of humans. When someone tried to counterattack, she slammed a rubber ball in their face because she works at a gymnasium now. She chose that place for a job because it helps her blow off steam.

As for Frisk... Frisk is just going through the motions, now. He's becoming just as empty looking as I am. I've been emptier than usual, Chara. Nothing of interest seems to happen, now. All I do is kill people and then the day resets and I try to chug through the day all over again. I'm so tired, Chara. I only wanted Frisk to be happy. I told him that bringing me here would be a bad idea and look what's happened. That rope under Frisk's bed makes me uncomfortable, but I can't seem to muster the heart to ask why it's there. I told him I wouldn't care, but he was too determined on fixing me to believe that... I'm so bored and tired of this life right now. I think maybe... I should join you, sometime...

59\. Now, things just got bad. Really bad.

* * *

 _Author's Note: I wasn't sure whether to put a trigger warning here or not. To be honest, I didn't like writing this, but I felt like it would help move the plot where I wanted it to go. And to anyone that is struggling with that and is reading this - bless you! I used to be depressed, but I actually recovered from it and I've known others who've struggled with that as well. You guys are strong just by being here everyday and you guys deserve a cookie. And a warm blanket. And a hug! I love you guys!_


	18. Entries 60-64

60\. I'm at the hospital right now. They said Frisk got hurt. Well actually, Chara, it's more than that. Frisk is more messed up than I thought. Remember that rope I was talking about? Yeah... he never used it. Instead he went for... something else. Mom said Frisk had gotten into her pill bottle and it made him sick. When Frisk got to the hospital, he had to drink this gross green stuff and he wouldn't stop vomiting for hours. He's not loopy, though.

I've been up practically all night. The nurses all think I'm a regular flower, so I was able to stay. I'm pretty sure everyone is happy about that, judging from all the death threats I've been getting. I bet it relieves them not to sleep with one eye open anymore.

I've been talking to Frisk, mostly because he begged me to. He said he was afraid of falling asleep, even though the doctor said it was okay. I don't know why he's freaking out, but since he was so desperate for a conversation, I interrogated him over why he tried to bust something like that. I don't know what's wrong with him, Chara. I really don't. He said something along the lines of "You don't understand what I go through everyday," and that he wanted everyone to be happy. Happy? HAPPY!? How about you LIVE, you idiot! Living seems like a good way to start! And what do you mean "I don't understand?" I thought you brought me here because I'd be the only one who would understand. I'm so disgusted and tired...

So much for that DETERMINATION of yours, Frisk. Why don't you give that back to whom it rightfully belongs?

Toriel said that tomorrow she'd bring coloring books, MY crayons, and paper so we could color together. I told Frisk that if he was good to me, I'd let him color using MY crayons. Otherwise, he will just have to color using his vomit and blood.

I still wonder what blood tastes like.

* * *

61\. It took Frisk forever to wake up. Now we could finally color together!

He fell back asleep again. The doctor fed Frisk this black stuff. I think Toriel said it was charcoal? The doctors on the surface are weird, Chara! You didn't tell me that humans eat charcoal! That's gross!

62\. I guess I finally started talking to Toriel. She said that it's good to see me open up. She thinks part of the reason I have so many "tantrums" is because I don't open up. That I keep everything to myself. I got reasons for why I do that. It's because everyone here is a useless toy! I would toy with the doctors, but I don't have it in me, today. I'm still recovering from last night. At least I have some gummy worms and pudding and TV and crayons. That's all I need right now.

63\. Toriel and the others are gone. Finally. I thought Toriel and Sans would never stop cuddling on that damn couch. It's disgusting. I can't stand it! One day, I'm going to make Toriel hate Sans so much that he'll have no choice but to go somewhere else. Why do you have to hit on my mom, Sans!? There are plenty of other desperate women out there who would LOVE to frick-frack a skeleton. I bet some of them are reading this right now!

Anyways, Frisk and I found a movie to watch together. We haven't done stuff like this in a long time. Remember when we used to watch movies together, Chara? I know you always liked the comedic ones. Like that time we watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory after finding it in the dump. Remember that time we watched that horror movie together? You found that at the dump, too! You were so excited. Our parents said no, but don't you remember when after they went to bed, we watched it anyway? We both got so scared. We couldn't sleep for WEEKS!

But we're not watching horror movies tonight. We're watching something else. I think it's called Star Wars? That's what Frisk said it's called. The way he explained it is weird, though. How could a movie be the first movie, but also the fourth movie at the same time?

Boy, this one monster in the movie is so ANNOYING. I wanna kill him. Why are there monsters casted in this movie? Is there something you wanna explain, buddy?

...what's CGI?

* * *

64\. Frisk has been feeling down lately so I decided to make something. I drew him a picture! Because nothing lightens the mood better than to be reminded of getting killed by your best friend over and over again after he stole the human SOULs. That was great...

Frisk is crying again. Look Chara, he's crying tears of joy!

...actually, he IS crying tears of joy. He even hugged me and thanked me for it...

What a weirdo, right Chara?

Right?


	19. Entries 65-67

65\. Frisk is going to be transported to another hospital soon. I don't know why. Especially since he's doing much better now. Toriel said he has to be there for three days and that I can't go with him. Yeah, that's great. That's just jim cracking dandy. What the HELL am I supposed to do with myself?

66\. He. Did. NOT. He better not have read this! I rest my eyes for five minutes and I what do I see? Frisk reading MY. PRIVATE. STUFF. Then that idiot has the audacity to cover it up like it never happened? I don't think so. This boy is DEAD. Actually he would have been dead if he wasn't so busy recovering from it... Whatever. At least it's just Frisk. I told him not to tell anyone what he read or I would kill him and he agreed. Then he patted my head and thanked me for not resorting to murder first. He explained he was curious. He couldn't keep himself from looking away. I snapped at him, "Well keep your prying eyes to yourself, Frisk! You don't see me going around, yelling at everyone that you're GAY!"

Oh no, he's bi. WHAT. EVER.

67\. Chara, Frisk is weird. Weirder than usual. I think it's his medicine, but he looks happier now. More determined. More ...at peace? I can't point at what happened. He said something about... praying? ...how could someone go from one extreme to another? Not even Alphys could do that. If she didn't have Undyne or Mettaton, she crumbles so easily that it's scary. She's pretty boring to mess around with if you ask me. Mettaton was much funner.

There was that one RESET where I tried to make him drunk on fame and fortune. It was amusing! ...until Alphys, Undyne, and Asgore reasoned with him and that ruined everything. Then I tried again and killed Alphys, but that didn't work either because he was too grieved to care. Another time, during one of my first runs, Mettaton made me famous. We made a band and everything. I even became a well known voice actor after some practice. But then my parents found out about my identity aaaand ... let's just say...things got weird. Really weird. Like people thought my alter ego was Asriel Dreemurr and they made a sit-com about that. Chara, they gave you neon hair! It was HORRIBLE! The monster playing you didn't even LOOK like you. They just had a human looking head!

At least no one now knows that I used to be Asriel. Frisk promised me he'd keep that secret. I don't know what I'd do if somebody actually found out.

* * *

 **Author's Note: All right~ Time for some announcements!**

 **First off, thank you for all the support so far! You guys have been amazing and very insightful and I really do appreciate it! Especially since we just hit OVER 50 REVIEWS! Yaaaaaaay! As well, there's some of you here I've been meaning to reply to and I just want to let you know that I'll try and get back to you as soon as I can. Recently, I've been trying to get used to my phone. I dropped it in the toilet last Friday and I'm trying to adjust to part of the touchscreen not working. This is pretty difficult for me especially since I tend to do updates on my phone, but I'm getting by.**

 **As for other news, as some of you know, I usually try to update at least twice a week. However, this week is special because it's the only week I've planned to update once. This is because this week there's going to be a lot going on for me (one of wich is a school play I'm going to be performing in). Therefore, I need to put more of my focus on those things. It's just this week, though. After that, we'll return to the usual bi/triweekly updates.**

 **Also, because I said I would this, shout out to "Pushing Daisies" by pineapplesans on AO3! If you like this story, chances are you'll really like that one, so give it a shot if you can! ;P**

 **Anyway, that's all for now~! See you all next week!**


	20. Entries 68-72

68\. It feels weird waking up without Frisk. It's so... quiet. Maybe now I could work towards breaking Toriel and Sans up. Or not. LHK

* * *

69\. WHY ARE THEY BLAMING ME FOR THIS!? IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I HAVE BEEN KILLED AT LEAST THREE TIMES ALREADY!

70\. UNDYNE.

STOP.

71\. No one wants to talk to me now. How many times do I have to tell them it's NOT. MY. FAULT. I never told Frisk to do THAT!? Why would I EVER tell him to do that!? I wanted anything for Frisk but THAT! I wanted Frisk to be HAPPY! But no, they have to blame me for EVERYTHING! Even when it's not my fault, they'd still blame me! Frisk is only making my suffering worse by not resetting before the incident happened. He said he wanted to "take in the pain" so that he wouldn't think of pulling that schtick again, but he RESETs after I die?!

I hate this! If I killed myself, they wouldn't blame Frisk for it! Why are they doing this to ME!? I want to hurt Frisk. I want to hurt Frisk SO BAD, but I can't. I don't want them killing me again! Why can't they just LEAVE ME ALONE!?

72\. Papyrus found me crying and wanted to take me out for some nice cream. I would ask about Sans to break him and Toriel up but I was too distressed to care. Also, there's nothing about him that I don't already know. Like how he used to be a scientist and how he never really knew his father, according to Papyrus. He's got a sad little life there. I don't know HOW Toriel could want to live with a lazy bum. Not even Papyrus likes it. She'll be picking up after him for the rest of her life!

Anyways, spending time with Papyrus really helped to pacify me... UNTIL THAT IDIOT BROUGHT UNDYNE ALONG! WHY did he have to do that!? She's the reason for me being so distraught in the first place! Undyne wouldn't talk to me at first. I doubt she remembers the Alphys thing, but if she does she wouldn't remember enough that it would matter. RESETS do that to monsters. They only remember very little of what happened in previous timelines. However, I don't think I'm off the hook with what happened to Frisk. Not just yet. Papyrus was giving me that look of concern he always gives me when I'm down. I wasn't saying much, but I didn't want him pestering me over being morose. I eventually talked to Undyne. I talked to her about the first thing that popped into my mind.

I talked to her about Monster Trucks.

Sans and I sometimes watch that together. It made me think about her. Undyne thought it was stupid, surprisingly. I thought she would have liked Monster Trucks. I encouraged her to give it a go, but she only did it for Papyrus. To defend her pride, of course. We went to her and Alphys's place. I admit that I got more pumped about it than Undyne. She only got like that as time went on. That, and Papyrus was practically mourning over all the "cool cars" getting trampled on. Sheesh, what a BABY!

Eventually, Alphys showed up. I could tell she was thrown off over me. Being the only sin crawling down her back and all. I told her "Calm down. It's not your fault for what happened to Frisk and I'm not mad at you anymore." But Undyne snapped at me and I almost thought we had to repeat today again. FOR THE FOURTH TIME. I can't believe I actually begged for mercy like an idiot. Going against my philosophies and everything. It was AWFUL! That sushi roll better not get cocky with me after that. Because I'm NOT doing that again! At least that (and the reports) satisfied her enough to back off.

As for Alphys, she started doing what she always does and expressed her regret for creating me. Usually it'd piss me off, but nowadays I've grown numb to her spiel. I proposed to her that we try to forget about all that, because neither of us are really going anywhere. Not as long as Frisk could help it. If it makes her feel better. Besides, I've already murdered her more than I could count. But let's forget about that, why don't we? Move on.

Oh, something else. Papyrus asked me today if I had any siblings. I lied to him and said I didn't. That was... weird.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Aaaand we're back! Howdy everybody!**


	21. Entries 73-75

73\. Chara, there's a bug in the room. HELP!

Okay, Toriel got it. We're okay now. Anyway, we're gonna go visit Frisk later. Seriously, why he's still at the hospital is beyond me.

74\. Boy, the hospital Frisk got sent to looks SCARY. Have you ever been here, Chara? This place has broken windows and everything. Some of the humans don't look too friendly here. I almost lost control of my breath.

Asgore came with us, too. I haven't seen him in so long. I have no idea why I got excited, though. I thought seeing one less monster would be a good thing.

And speaking of monsters, there were monsters residing in this dump! This jail. They told Asgore how some of them had been put in this place because the humans accused them of being insane. Some of them have been there since the barrier broke, but that's just Jerry. Only a REAL maniac would release Jerry.

Eventually Frisk came and we talked. We colored. I drew him another picture, but of my OC that you liked so much. You remember God of Hyperdeath don't you? Don't act like you don't. I drew that with my Hyper Goner attack. Frisk said that he liked it. He said it looked... cute.

I'm done.

75\. Toriel put a surprise in our dinner. I know how much you hated snails, Chara, but you shouldn't complain. You didn't have to eat a cockroach, you big WEENIE! Hee Hee Hee!


	22. Entries 76-78

76\. FINALLY, Frisk is back! About time. I didn't want to keep forcing myself to talk to Toriel. She kept giving me these little papers where I'd have to write about myself. Yeesh, she hasn't given me one of those since she homeschooled me. They're really dumb.

Anyway, I told Frisk that if he wanted his room back, he'd have to break up Toriel and Sans. Otherwise his room is mine now and whenever I want to be alone, he'll have to leave. Hee Hee Hee!

* * *

77\. If only Frisk could notice that I'm troubled. Though he's a little out of it. It pisses me off. You know what pisses me off more, though? It's that Sans is great at reading faces.

He starts out by saying how much I've improved and all that jazz, trying to butter me up. I scoffed at him. Then he lectured me on how I should be more open even though he's a FREAKING HYPOCRITE. I said THAT to his face. He backed off, but not without pointing that he KNOWS there's something wrong. As if I'd tell HIM. Killing me multiple times in past RESETS wasn't enough for the guy. Oh no, this pile of trash had to go and DATE MY MOM. You know, to make me more miserable.

And... I know Chara is dead. That's my problem, though. Sometimes I miss her. I've always wanted someone I could call a friend. I really wanted someone like Frisk, but got Chara instead. I loved Chara just as much as I could have loved Frisk. Now, I'm just tired. I'm falling asleep again and it seems like only Sans is noticing.

* * *

78\. Frisk asked about me yesterday. He caught me talking to myself. He wondered if I was okay. Oh yeah, TOTALLY FINE. No problem AT ALL. Except, you know, reality feeling warped. I get that a lot. I wonder if Frisk gets that. He said that he understands, right? Doesn't he know what it's like to contemplate the verisimelitude of this world?

* * *

 **Author's Note: Hello, everyone! ;P**

 **To all of the new people who are joining us on Flowey's adventure, welcome! It's not too late to hop aboard because I have plenty of goodies to come. Anyway, for this particular chapter I left an Easter Egg in here. I think it shows up again in the next chapter. You get a cookie if you find it first.**

 **Welp, that's all for now.**

 **See ya later!**


	23. Entries 79-85

79\. It's been days since I last killed anyone. Everyone seems impressed. Papyrus even drives me around more. He showed me his restaurant today. They finally repaired it, too. It looks ...quaint. It's also one giant puzzle.

I have no idea how he's going to maintain a RESTAURANT. Sans said Mettaton was going to help. I don't know how he's going to if he's also filming right now. At least the restaurant is small. I still don't think it'll fair well. He better get REAL cooking lessons. I wouldn't want to see Chef Ramsey at his door any time soon. That guy's a nutjob!

80\. There was a riot today. Sans and I were watching TV when it came on. It showed humans trashing this monster neighborhood. I thought I was going to die! I couldn't breathe. I looked so stupid, but I didn't cry. I'm not a crybaby! I don't even know WHY I get these things. Or maybe I do... sometimes I get flashbacks and for some reason I can't seem to control myself. UGH, I hate them so much! This has to be the third one I've gotten so far and the second time MY WORST ENEMY had to comfort me. Bouncing me like a baby and humming. EVERYONE was watching! It was SO EMBARRASSING! This better not happen again!

81\. At least playing TF2 makes the thoughts go away. Chara, I think you'd like the Spy. He reminds me of you.

* * *

82\. Toriel made a pie today. She heard I was "behaving" myself. Also, Frisk wanted to try and lighten my mood. I don't care. At least the pie tasted good. She even put extra cinnamon and honey in it, just how I like it. Then she said that's how ASRIEL liked it, too... I've heard this before. Why was I tearing up!? Did Frisk leave a bowl of onions next to me AGAIN?

She still doesn't know who I really am. I just told her I got something in my eye and to leave me alone.

* * *

83\. Oh boy. It's raining today. The ONE DAY I needed to go outside the most and it rains. I feel so antsy right now. If it doesn't stop raining soon, I think I'm going to kill someone. Killing people in TF2 doesn't seem to help.

84\. Oops. There goes Papyrus. Again. Hee Hee Hee!

85\. The day got RESET, and it's STILL RAINING. I REALLY HOPE Papyrus does NOT come in here. I don't think I could do it again.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Hey guys! Thank you so much again for all of the reviews and support I've been getting recently! Someone even got inspired and wrote their own fanfic. It's called Chara's Blood (Red Pen) Diary by sansthehuman.

Anyways, I'm expecting to post another update sometime later today. If you have any questions, constructive criticism, concerns, or love notes, please feel free to leave them and I'll try to get back to you if possible. And chara, I love hearing from you so much. You were like my first reviewer and seeing you still here is amazing! I hope you know that. Since I can't reply to you personally, I'll just leave it here that it does bother me when people bring Asriel back and it's as if he never had anything wrong with him at all. Just leaving that out there.

Welp, that's all for now! See ya soon. :P


	24. Entries 86-88

86\. You know what I REALLY hate?! I hate it that people think by cooping me up in this stupid house, they're going to keep ME from killing anyone. Welp, they're wrong. It only serves to drive me CRAZY! Guess they really do like me being a relentless killer after all.

Most days, I like to browse the Internet and for those brief hours, forget about my life, but then that gets boring, too! I thought Frisk would take me somewhere new, like to the desert, or to Las Vegas or Disney World or SOMETHING. I feel powerless in this timeline, but as long as this timeline is going, I gotta do something with myself and if I'm going to be a resident of this timeline, I would like things done MY way. For instance, this idiotic "Soriel" shipping WILL NOT do!

So a few days ago, I started setting Sans up to look the way he REALLY is in front of Toriel. He fell asleep during one of our "classes" and I dumped his chips all over him. Then he chuckled and dumped some of them back into my pot. I can't believe I'm still eating them as I type. Toriel was still appauled, so things went according to plan. WHY AM I EATING THESE STUPID CHIPS?

Then yesterday Toriel asked Sans to pick up his sock. For once the sock went into his room, but I brought it back. Hee Hee Hee! Toriel's face when she found it again was priceless, Chara. That sock had holes and grease in it and everything. She asked if Papyrus had to deal with this and Sans said, "actually, yeah." Because this lazy bum who can't even pick up a sock is SO MUCH BETTER than Asgore. I told that to Toriel's face while Sans wasn't looking. She said she'd talk to him. You're going to be a very long-suffering wife, Toriel. Just letting you know.

* * *

87\. Oh no. My drawings. The ones I keep tucked away in those old books. Toriel found them. I really DON'T want to repeat today over again! I just heard her sobbing a few minutes ago. She wasn't supposed to look at them. I didn't want ANYONE looking at them! Why does she have to snoop through MY stuff!?

Now she's coming back. I don't want to do this...

88\. Phew! She doesn't know. She thinks some of the drawings come from her son. Thank you, Frisk. I wasn't ready to tell her yet. Though she did ask about some of the drawings and why they're so violent. She said her son would NEVER draw this violently. Idiot. She also asked if the giant plant monster was my OC or something, as if I were a Pokemon. I told her yes. It was. She said that she's still open for me to talk to. Again. Then I let her pat my head and just like that she left. Anyways, ever since the incident, Toriel has been spending more and more time with Frisk. I rarely see him anymore during the week. Only time he stays in here is either because

1\. He sleeps in here

Or

2\. Toriel and Sans are being gross again.

Thank HEAVENS I'm not the only one who thinks that.


	25. Entries 89-92

89\. Frisk and I went to go see Undyne today. Get me out of the house. Now I remember why I used to like her so much in the beginning. I used to look up to her too, Chara, but not as much as you. It was only for a short time before she got boring. She wasn't afraid to fight ANYONE. Not even Sans or Asgore.

Once I tried to get Undyne to fight Sans. Set them up to do it because I was bored. Then I grabbed myself a bag of popcorn and watched it all unfold. Undyne really gave Sans a run for his money. It was great! For awhile. Sans was the one to realize that they'd been set up and they both turned to me.

"hey buddy," Sans said. "you think this is a game?" To which I replied, "yes." I mean, I killed his brother before, Chara, but it's not like it matters. I had to RESET after that.

Anyways, Frisk wants me to appease to her and "redeem myself". I explained to Frisk that from what she knows between the RESETS and from what happened Underground, it would challenging if not utterly impossible. There's only one way I know of that will soften her heart towards me, but for the sake of my parents, that's NEVER EVER going to happen. Still, he wanted me to try. Tell her that I'm trying to walk on the straight and narrow and if there was an opportunity to do something good to take advantage of it.

Yeah, tell me something I DON'T know, Frisk.

When a human decided to ambush us while on a walk, the human jumped out, nearly slashing Undyne's back with a knife. I hope she's happy. She would've been DEAD if I hadn't lost a vine trying to help HER. After I pulled the human onto the ground, Undyne took care of everything else. I couldn't watch most of it. Humans are disgusting when you hit them. I KNEW Undyne would win, though. It takes someone very special to beat her and let me tell you something - it wasn't that guy. Yeah, Undyne's great. I just wish she'd stop pointing spears at me. And giving me noogies.

* * *

90\. Yesterday, Undyne challenged me to a fight. See how strong I really am. I thought it'd be easy enough. If I win, Frisk proposed I go on a date with her. I actually would have preferred gloating rights, but that works too.

91\. And of course, naturally I kicked her butt. I know her attacks already. COME ON! Really, Undyne. COME. ON. You though you could defeat ME? Even Alphys advised against it. Now I guess we're going to have our little date tonight, despite doing this before. Fair enough, Frisk. Fair enough.

92\. Thankfully, Undyne skipped the basics. We spent the entire time watching Monster Truck rallies instead. That was fun. Until she put on this anime about this foreign exchange student in Japan. WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE THIS ANIME!? LITERALLY NOTHING HAPPENS IN IT. Undyne said that it's cute and stress relieving. STRESS RELIEVING!? Come ON, Undyne! The Monster Truck rallies are more stress relieving than THIS! Urgh!

... I want to watch more.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I have to admit - doing Undyne is really hard for me. However I'm really hoping that I'm going the right way with her. Especially with what I want to do with her at the end. What that is exactly, that's for me to know and for you to find out... later!

Hee Hee Hee!


	26. Entries 93-95

93\. Frisk said that he's been praying. For everyone, including me. He said for me he prays for peace. I don't know what he's talking about. Am I not peaceful enough? I haven't killed anyone recently. Does that not count as peace?

I've been keeping to myself, nowadays... but WHY won't Frisk play with me!? Sometimes we play Monsters vs. Humans with pool noodles but he won't attack me. He just sits there and gives his pool noodle to me. I bonked him on the head with it a few times, but he's so braindead he STILL won't attack. He'd rather take it than let other people suffer. Didn't anyone tell him this was just PRETEND!? I should've known better than to try with the likes of HIM.

I hit Papyrus with a pool noodle but it's not the same. He's not human. And I don't know any other humans that I'd be comfortable with. Besides you, Chara. At least if I hit you with a pool noodle, you'd fight back.

* * *

94\. Why didn't I catch this SOONER? Why is it that whenever Frisk RESETS that this thing doesn't just erase what I wrote that day? It keeps it right where I left off. That's odd. Does Frisk know about this? I'd tell him, but I don't like him reading my stuff. So forget it.

* * *

95\. I think I'll put this in here. This is the third night in a row that Frisk holds me before going to bed. Chara, remember when we used to sleep in the same bed back when I'd have nightmares? I know you didn't like it, but it reminded me of that. After Toriel tucks Frisk in, we just sit there and talk. Usually about life and stuff.

Frisk said the bullying at school has died down since the incident and that even the monsters kids stand up for him. Toriel's been helping, too. She's a teacher at his school, so she lectured the kids. I prayed they didn't die of boredom. Frisk threw me off with something. He mumbled out that he was sorry. Sorry about everything. I looked up at him and asked him what he meant by that.

Then Frisk threw himself on the bed, crying, "WAH! I'm not a good friend! I should've been more patient with you! Now you're all depressed and it's all my fault!" Silly human. I'm ALWAYS depressed. He kept on going, saying, "I'm sorry for putting you through all of this and for making you watch me suffer. I just wanted to give you a happy ending. I didn't want you to hurt anymore. I want you to be at peace."

I was silent. I could've said something, but I chose not to. I like Frisk, Chara. I truly do. I can't actually care about him, but between you and I, I really wanted him to be happy. Yet all I've seen so far was him being thrown into the back of an ambulance car. All because of me. I admit it's my fault. Frisk should have never brought me up here in the first place. All I'm good for is causing trouble.

What part of me could possibly be worth SAVING, anyway? Before I became a flower, I had everything. Loving parents, a warm home, a purpose for living. I always dreamed that when I'd become king that I was going to free all the monsters and that there would be peace and prosperity forever! I was so grateful to meet someone like you, Chara. You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Not only were you my best friend, but my parents saw a lot of hope in you. We thought you would free everyone and you even tried to do just that. I just wish you didn't have to die in order to do it. And when we were in the village... after I lied you down... I don't regret not killing anyone anymore, but sometimes I wish I stayed dead.

Now, I have nothing. I've lost my family, my identity, my SOUL... I've even lost my grasp of reality. Tell me, Frisk. Since I see you've been having your fun. How does it feel to know NOTHING matters anymore? That if you wanted, you make the WHOLE WORLD your personal play pen? Or maybe not. Maybe we're all just figments of your imagination.

Frisk, I've lived through life, already. Actually, I've lived through life a MILLION times. It wouldn't bother me to leave. I'm just scared though. Scared of what would happen if I truly did.

But, there's something I want to do. Something I've ALWAYS wanted to do. I want to go to school. A REAL school. One that's on the surface, like the one Chara would always talk about. I know Chara HATED school, but I wanna go for myself. I want to experience something NEW. After all, aside from all the bullies and stupid teachers, what's the worst that could happen?


	27. Entries 96-103

96\. Today is a special day for me! Sans and Toriel are going on a DATE! Time to mess things up! Hee Hee Hee!

Frisk doesn't want to go. He'd rather let them be than be involved, but you'd come with me, right Chara? Not that I'd need you. I could do this one all by myself. Did you both forget that I actually know these people? I know them better than the back of my hands. All I have to do is press the right buttons and they'll never want to see each other's face again! Hee Hee Hee! This could NEVER go horribly wrong!

97\. IT ALL WENT HORRIBLY WRONG! IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S JUST NOT FAIR! Why does Sans have to date my MOM!? Why? WHY? You know what? I don't care! I don't care AT ALL! They can go and FUCK THEMSELVES! I don't need a mom and I DEFINITELY don't need a stupid step-dad! I will NEVER call Sans my step-dad! NEVER!

98\. Okay, I feel better. Half of Frisk's room is decimated now, but I feel better. The date went terribly. It didn't drive them apart. It only drove them CLOSER TOGETHER!

Don't ask me how I got there Chara, but I got there. I snuck into the restaurant and stuck myself in a vase when they weren't looking. At first, I thought this would be quick and easy. They were already looking down as it is. I thought maybe spilling their food on them would do the trick. After all, they were at a fancy restaurant, wearing fancy clothes, so I figured, "Why don't I make them REALLY ADMIRABLE?" When the waiter came, I tripped them, knocking the food all over those bone-heads. BONE-APPETITE, IDIOTS! Ha ha ha! Their reactions were PRICELESS. They were running to the bathroom faster than a bunch of ants.

Next, I used voice impressions. Since Sans was the first one out of the bathroom, I did him. When Toriel came out, all she heard was "Did you see that giant goat in the bathroom? Hoo-wee! The other goats called. They said they want their food back." "heheheheh, i couldn't agree MORE. heck, i'm surprised she even fit through the door!" You did NOT want to be near my mom after THAT, Chara! When she came back to her seat, she went at it with Sans! I thought they were going to break up for sure!

Then Sans just HAD TO SPEAK! He explained himself over something he DIDN'T do even going along the lines of, "i understand if you wouldn't want me anymore. heck, i'm surprised we even made it this far. i never thought i'd keep a woman for as long as i have, but you really changed my mind. i admit that i make mistakes. it's gonna happen, but if you can't accept them, then i also understand. thank you, toriel. thank you for everything."

And of course, Toriel HAD to be moved by that garbage! She stopped him, saying "Not so fast, Mister. We still have some unfinished business."

"unfinished business? but tori-"

"Are you just going to leave me here and have me eat this beautiful meal all by myself?"

Then... she NUZZLED HIM! Ew... EW!

At last, I attempted a more bolder approach. They went dancing after awhile and in turn I gave the DJ a little... "special something".

"Shout out to my girlfriend, Toriel. You're an amazing mother. Especially after letting every single child DIE in your care. Can't wait to have MY kids with you. And what happens when the going's getting rough? Are you going to run away and hide like you did to Asgore? I don't know why I EVER decided to date you and don't even get me started on your cooking! You make Papyrus a five-star chef. I'm so glad we're breaking up right now. Was gonna do it at the table, but this is so much more interesting. Get dumped on, Toriel. ~ Sans."

Boy, I've never seen my mom break down as much as I did that night. She was practically DROWNING IN TEARS! She couldn't even look at the guy. I thought then that I had REALLY won this battle. That Toriel would go back to Asgore and EVERYTHING would be as it should once again.

Sans was about to leave, turning around with his head down, but Toriel stopped him. AGAIN. She didn't think Sans could say such horrible things about someone, especially in public. It threw me back. I didn't think she knew she was being set up, but Sans apologized, Chara. He apologized over something he didn't do. AGAIN! I SAID THOSE THINGS! ME! I WROTE THAT while HE said such loving things to Toriel in front of everyone that it was THROW-UP WORTHY. It was when they made out that I'd finally had it!

After shooting Toriel down to dust, I immediately came out and told Sans that it was all MY DOING and that he's a MORON! I growled, "Do you like making a fool out of ME, Sans!? Do you think after taking the blame for MY actions, you'd make her forgive you!?" Sans replied, "i think so. can't say the same for the others, though."

...I don't want to talk about what happened next. But let's just say that he wasn't the one to take me down in the end. Now I'm back here and I'm miserable. Soon Toriel will barge in here and throw me into a corner, because that obviously corrects MY problems...

99\. This time I'm leaving things as is, Chara. My hopes for driving Toriel and Sans apart just aren't working. This time.

* * *

100\. Undyne called, Chara. She was actually asking about me. I know she was. I eavesdropped. Like we used to whenever dad was on the phone? Anyways, why would she care about me? It was just several months ago that she'd threaten to kick my butt over BREATHING. As if my existence was a crime! Now, we're - wait. OF COURSE she's like that. It's been awhile since I've last befriended her. I might as well. Especially since - you know - the whole "killing everyone" thing is wearing me out. Sometimes I wish Frisk would let me go...

Then Alphys got the phone. I see she's picked up on my offer. She thanked me for it, but I shrugged it off. It's either this or rotting. At least Undyne stopped pointing spears at me. Good enough.

101\. I don't think Frisk told anyone about what I did to Toriel and Sans. Good. It's embarrassing, anyway.

102\. Frisk took me outside and we watched the sunset today. He thought it'd cheer me up after everything that happened last night. I think he's finally caught on to how I feel about Toriel and Sans. About time.

What took him so LONG? I'd been berating them for MONTHS now.

I don't get Frisk sometimes. He says that I've changed since I first came out of the underground. That I was changing for the better. I'm not where I should be, but I'm getting SOMEWHERE. I guess I could see where he's going with this. What I don't understand though is how he can't seem to look me in the eye anymore. He thinks I'm still mad at him over the whole hospital incident. To be honest, I don't really care. It really wasn't any skin off my bones. But if he ever tries that again and blames ME for it, I could assure him that he won't be in good graces with me.

Anyways, he held me, because he thinks that comforts me in a way, and beseeched me not to go. Yes Chara, I talked to him about it. Frisk prayed for peace, right? Doesn't he see, though? Doesn't he see how peaceful I could be? Not only would it bring peace to him, but to me, too. Besides, it's not like Toriel is going to come tomorrow asking me if I want to go to school or anything.

* * *

103\. Toriel asked me if I wanted to go to school. WHAT?


	28. Entries 104-107

104\. I've yet to go to school and I already hate it, Chara. First, Mom wakes us up way too early. Then, I have to sit there and hope I don't fall asleep IN MY FOOD. I mean Frisk did it, and he slept more than I had! Ugh, why did I play all that TF2 last night? I can barley keep my eyes open.

Frisk is getting dressed right now. Usually while he's getting ready for school, I'd be SLEEPING AT THIS MORBID HOUR, but no. I have to sit here and watch Frisk change out of his jammy whammies. I don't care what Toriel said! I'm goin bak to eating myself a good time gg.

105\. OH MY GOSH, WHAT THE HELL DID I WRITE?

106\. School was NOTHING like I thought it would be, Chara! It was nothing like how YOU said, but it felt that way. I want to go and hide...

107\. Okay, I feel better. Toriel made sure Frisk and I had the same classes together to make things easier on me. When she first dropped us off, the school was HUGE! It was like a mansion or something. I was completely lost in awe. I never noticed Frisk chuckling at me while we walked inside.

The halls were wide and filled with lockers, just like you said, Chara! We found not only humans, but monsters too. Heck, we even found Monster Kid there. He was more excited than ever to see me, though I found that predictable and therefore boring.

However, because of him a lot of other kids came circling around us. They were screaming, daaaawing, touching my petals, wondering if I was a real plant. Some even asked Frisk if they could hold me as if I were some lousy pet!

It started very slowly. They came one at a time, then by twos, fours, and then eventually in dozens. I didn't think much of it at first, but when they began touching me, I started to get ...flashbacks. VIVID flashbacks about our plan and how it failed. I started to shake, already knowing where this was going. My breathing became more and more constricted. I tried to tell them "Don't touch me," but they kept going for it. Even the faintest of strokes made my mind receive it as excruciating pain. I thought I could take it and never tell Frisk a thing. Ha ha... Eventually, I had enough. I picked up the first human I saw and hurled them into a locker. I was such a mess. Frisk had to take me outside in order to calm down. By that point, it was already time to go to class.

Our teacher was nice. She's kind of like Toriel, only more human. Or Princess Celestia (Yeah, I know that show is for girls, OKAY!?). She let me introduce myself to the class. I thought I'd make it bold and easy. Just tell them I'm a former homicidal plant, exaggerate some other things I've done, and then sit down. Only once Frisk brought me up... I couldn't talk. I merely stood there, studying all the humans in the room. Studying their eyes. It felt like every hardened face and narrowed eye tore at me without mercy. I tried breathing in and out, Chara, but ...I fell apart again! I TRIED, okay!? Don't call me a crybaby! I really think there's something very wrong with me! I've never experienced these things before now. I kept getting flashbacks. At some point, I really wanted Sans. I wanted Sans to hum for me. Sans's humming makes it all go away. I ended up crying in front of the whole class. Frisk had to introduce myself FOR ME! I looked so stupid. I hope I never have to get up in front of a class ever again!

When class started the teacher told us to take notes. Frisk and I were sitting in the same desk. I mainly watched the teacher, glancing at Frisk's notes every now and again, helping him. I remember snatching the pencil out of his hand and having to erase almost EVERYTHING because he copied it wrong. I tried to rewrite it, but it looked too much like chicken scratch to read... And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why I type my journal.

While that was happening, some idiot thought it would be funny to throw spitballs at Frisk. And here I thought humans were more mature than this. That these sort of things only happen in cartoons. Shame on them! When I found out, I told him, "Frisk, get me a straw!" Frisk said he didn't have any straws, so I had to made-do WITHOUT one. I tore some paper off his notebook, stuffing as much paper into my mouth as possible. Once I finished chewing, I spat the whole thing right on that kid's desk! It was MARVELOUS, Chara. Simply MARVELOUS! That was... until the teacher found out. She put me in the corner, but it was WORTH it! That kid had what was coming to him!

The worst part about today happened during lunch. Some of the kids asked Frisk why I freaked out this morning. He lied and said I was shy. What a JOKE! I haven't been shy in A LONG TIME, Chara! Not since after we died! Then some humans came and insulted Frisk. They insulted me too and for no reason at all! I didn't even do anything! I think they called Frisk a "monster-lover" or something? Sometimes the extent of how right you are SCARES me, Chara. Humans ARE cruel! That, and the cafeteria food SUCKS!

Then Frisk told me about Dust Day, where all the humans beat up the monsters. For some reason, I entertained myself with what that would look like... Bad idea. I tried killing those thoughts soon after, but the images in my head were getting stronger. I felt like reality was ripping apart before my eyes. They brought clubs, spears, army tanks, flamethrowers, EVERYTHING you can think of! All pointed at me! Chara, I thought I was going to die!

When I woke up, I was at the infirmary. They said I must've passed out. Toriel was there, too. She said she was called to take me home. As she drove Frisk and I, she started to doubt taking me to school was a good idea. I wasn't ready yet. I tried to act as if I were mad or that it didn't effect me, but I... cried anyway. I thought today was going to be the best day of my life. Now I have to spend everyday with SANS! Watching MY LITTLE PONY! Why? WHY? WHY can't I be NORMAL! I didn't want to kill anybody! I SWEAR! I just wanted to go to school like CHARA!

Well, at least to GOT to go to school. Now there's next to nothing holding me back from just doing it, already. Except... well... myself. I'm not ready. I mean, I've done everything I wanted to do in this world, but I'm not ready yet. I'm still scared. Scared of it really being the end. I don't think I can do it by myself.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Hi, everybody! Hope you're all having a great week so far. And speaking of school, I JUST GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL! Apparently that is a thing now and I am both happy, but also sad and wondering what I'm going to do with my life, now. Now I have to go to COLLEG! AAAAAUGH! I can't believe this is a thing! Anyway, thank you all for the favorites, follows, and reviews! I deeply appreciate them and also enjoy reading them!


	29. Entries 108-111

108\. Howdy Sans-pal, my old friend. I've come to watch ponies with you again.

I'd rather be here right now than at school with Frisk. It sucks, but maybe things are better this way...

109\. Sans and Papyrus let me leave "class" early after finishing all of my puzzles in the backyard. For once, I like being indoors. Indoors is good. Safe. Secure.

And... I bet FRISK can't leave class early after HE finishes his work. Golly, it sure must suck to be HIM, going to a real school on the surface. What a bummer! I express NO hard feelings towards him or his social problems WHATSOEVER.

...NOT!

110\. Toriel wants to take me to Da Stor to make up for what happened at school. Run some errands after that. And BEFORE you call me out, saying that my spelling is wrong, that is the literal name of the place so don't get cocky!

111\. Toriel wouldn't let me get the sugar cookies I wanted. I actually had put things AWAY just so she could get them. Then she on about how proud she was of me and all that stuff. Yeah, okay. Whatever.

After that, we sat down on her old recliner and she read me a story. It was one of those stories I used to like before becoming a flower. If you were here, Chara, I bet you'd remember. It's that one about the dinosaurs. I've read that story over a million times, but... I don't know. I felt... weird. I guess it brought back some old memories.

I know I like to separate myself from HIM but that's only because I'm nothing like HIM. HE was compassionate. HE was loving. HE actually had hope in this life. What about ME!? I have NEITHER of those.

I don't think I'll EVER understand how she could be nice to someone like me. Trust me, I gave her HELL. Probably because I was still mad at her. I thought I had shaken it off after all these years, but... She replaced me seven times, Chara! SEVEN.

Subtly, I tried to tell her. I told her a story about me being an only child with a flower mom who said she loved me very very much. But one day I lost her in the midst of the giant capital and I was so sad. I came home DAYS later to find out she had other flower children just. like. ME. It was like she forgot all about me... It was ALL bogus, obviously, but she got so emotional about it. She held me and said she was sorry that happened. "Just know that she could never replace you," she sobbed. Ugh... it was all so STUPID! I can't STAND the hypocrisy!

"Oh yeah?" I snapped back. "How do YOU know that?"

She answered, "Well, when I started caring for the children who fell Underground, I found out very quickly that for some reason, something was missing. As if there were a void within myself. I have tried to take my mind off it, but it still burdens me, even to this day. Someone had been taken from me a long time ago, my child. Someone who could never be replaced."

I started to become more direct. "Who was it?" I shouted.

She took in a breath and spoke very softly, "My son, Asriel."

Great. Now there's water all over the keyboard. AGAIN! Golly, I need to stop knocking over these cups. GOSH!

 **Asriel, I am sorry. I am sorry for everything. Please know that I still love you. And no child could ever take the place you have in my heart.**

 **Asriel... are you...**

 **... are you still alive?**


	30. Entries 112-117

112\. Things have really been looking up for me, nowadays. For starters, everyone's been trying to spend more time with me. Boy, just when you thought it'd NEVER dawn on them, suddenly they go from "stay away from Flowey" to "go play with Flowey". Wonder what made them come to their senses?

They give me gifts, too. Today's gifts are a bag of gummy worms, a book full of jokes, a plate of spaghetti I probably won't eat, and an anime I told Frisk I wouldn't watch, but probably will anyway. ...No. No, this anime is too STUPID! I'm not gonna watch it!

* * *

113\. Toriel and I have been talking more. For once we held a conversation longer than 6 minutes and I didn't cuss her out. I can't say I'm proud of myself, but this must be a plus for me. Then she made me a butterscotch pie with honey in it while we argued over crickets tasting better than snails. I obviously won that, but SHE doesn't want to admit it. GUH!

Frisk and I talk more as well. It's funny, because I talk to him more than anyone else, but now it's even more so. Whenever I'd get mad, he'd sit with me and it helps calm me down. In fact, it probably saved us more RESETS than we could count! I don't think I'll ever understand why Frisk is so nice to me. He's got problems of his own, and he still puts up with me...

I wish I had a SOUL again. That way, I could care enough to help him when he's down, too.

* * *

114\. So, Frisk and I were talking about this journal the other day. He said one of the best things about journaling is that you could look back on it and see how much you've grown. ...actually he told me that a LONG time ago, back when I STARTED writing in here. I don't know WHY came to mind. We were actually talking about why the entries don't erase after a RESET. But... since I don't have anything better do, it wouldn't hurt to look.

115\. Something's off. How long have uh... these strange writings been here? Someone is typing things into this document. There's one on Entry 37 and there's another one on Entry 57. If somebody's looking through my stuff, I SWEAR...

116\. I think it's Sans. Maybe Toriel. I can tell by the writing. I can't trust these people anymore. It BETTER not happen again. Actually, it WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN! And I'm going to make sure of it RIGHT. NOW.

117\. Now I know why Papyrus asked if I had any siblings. He knows something about CHARA. And I've NEVER talked about Chara in front of him. Not in THIS timeline. Also, the whole everyone treating me nicer shtick? They don't mean it. They're just biding their time! Biding their time, thinking that I'd go EASIER on them if I ever were to FIND OUT. I know. I know, because they're ALL acting differently around me. Toriel and Sans don't even make out while I'm around anymore and then Undyne actually CARING about ME!? You know what gave it away the most, though? Toriel slipped her tongue just now. She called me ASRIEL instead of FLOWEY...

THAT'S. IT.

Frisk, I TRUSTED you! This is ALL. YOUR. FAULT!

Just to think that I was SO. STUPID. I thought that you, out of all these people, would be my friend.


	31. Friendship

**Smol Note:** Inspires by Friendship by Toby Fox

* * *

Hi, Flowey.

I told you I was a bad friend. I'll tell you the truth. Sometimes I'd read your entries. The ones that you'd write in the middle of the night and then pass out in front of the computer. I didn't mean to, but I was curious. You're always so reserved. Quiet. Most of the time you talk, it's to insult someone. You never told me that I wasn't spending enough time with you or that you couldn't grasp reality some days. Sometimes, I'd see you talk to yourself or cry when you think nobody's around. Mom picked up on it, too.

She didn't mean to read your entries either. She stumbled into them. She thought since you typed in there a lot that maybe you'd read her messages. They were mainly to me, but she didn't think it'd hurt if you could relay them back. At one point, she did skim through your entries. I think what surprised her more were the drawings. They reminded her so much of who you used to be. She talked to Sans about it and one day, he read through your journal. Eventually, the others read too.

We were all curious. You never tell us that there's anything wrong and whenever we find out there is something wrong, it's always too late. You'd snap or throw a fit or do something that would make me have to RESET. I'm not RESETing this time. You might be gone, but I'm not RESETing. I prayed for you to be at peace. If this is what you want, then so be it. I know you lived life. You've lived more lives than any one of us. We didn't mean to provoke you to the point of slaughtering us all, though we deserved it. Me especially. I was going to apologize to you personally, but after I RESET, you were gone.

So, this is my letter to you. I know I'm a bad friend. You deserved better. Thank you for trying, though. After everything I've seen - lines of dialogue, strands of numbers, seeing you at the end of every run, the playing, the fights, the sunsets, the long nights together - I'll never forget you, Asriel. To me, you will always be my best friend.

Your ex-friend,

Frisk.

* * *

HELLO, FLOWEY

IT IS I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS! FRISK SAID THAT WE WON'T SEE YOU FOR A WHILE. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO EAT WHEN YOU COME BACK? I CAN MAKE MORE THAN JUST SPAGHETTI, YOU KNOW. I CAN EVEN MAKE KRABBY PATTIES, THE NEWEST EDITION TO THE MASTER CHEF PAPYRUS'S SPAGHETTI EMPORIUM. NYEH HEH HEH!

WHEN YOU COME BACK, WE CAN EVEN MAKE NEW PUZZLES! I HAVE SOME WAITING FOR YOU IN THE BACKYARD AS WE SPEAK. PLEASE, COME BACK SOON, FLOWEY.

I MISS YOU...

YOUR COOL FRIEND,

PAPYRUS.

* * *

Hey, you little runt!

We're sorry to see you go. I didn't think spending time with you would be as... nice... as it was. At first, I hated you for being so cruel. But now, after everything Alphys told me (and reading your journal)... I guess I feel bad for you... You're still a loser, though! I KNEW you liked Kin-Iro Mosaic! You said you only watched it to make fun out of it, you scrub! We found the anime in your room! Or actually... Frisk's room, now that you're gone.

I never thought I'd miss you, but... dammit... I do. Don't get me wrong, you're a COWARD for what you did, but we also had no right to look through your stuff. I guess you could say curiosity got the best of all of us. I don't know how we're going to tell Asgore this. You were Asgore's son. Sometimes he'd talk about you a lot. He always says he wants to see you again. And I don't care if you screwed with the timelines and have already heard that, I'm telling you anyway!

Hopefully, wherever you are, it's in a better place. One where you don't have to suffer anymore, Asriel.

Your Bestie,

Undyne.

* * *

Prince Asriel,

Please forgive me. I didn't mean to make you suffer. I never wanted you to suffer! When Frisk told me your story and then reading all of this? I was in tears! You could see why you wanted this. I saw the reports. I knew you were unhappy. No, you were miserable! You were so miserable here, being a flower and then putting you in a pot and mistreating you. We should all be ashamed of ourselves! We had no right to be looking through your private stuff and I tried to tell Frisk that, but he said we should look and I couldn't help myself! It's like fanfiction, but REALLY GOOD fanfiction! You're a way better writer than you give yourself credit for and trust me, I've seen some really bad writers like some fanfics aren't even fanfics, it's just mindless porn and - oh no, I'm just rambling again, aren't I?

Also, I understand if you don't want to forgive me for anything that I've done against you and that's okay. If I were you, I wouldn't forgive myself either. Please do something for me, though. Stay strong for me, okay? You're a very brave child.

Your dumb creator,

Alphys.

* * *

heya.

so, you really hated seeing your mom and i together, huh? i figured that out purely by your expression, but you know, needed to apply the scientific method here. gotta weed out the truth.

anyway, thought i might tell you something to make up for reading your journal. i realize this was some private stuff non of us were supposed to read and i admit i was in the wrong there, but since you reluctantly opened up to all of us, i might as well reluctantly open up to you.

just want to say, though, i don't know what those other guys told you. they can be pretty shady sometimes, but i really doubt i told you this; my name was formerly sans serif. i was a kid, growing up like you in the city of new home. only not in a castle, you know? i used be VERY hotheaded, living in the bad part of town and all. my dad worked in hotland, as the royal scientist. he had a home there so he didn't have to travel as far. meanwhile, papyrus and i had to fend for ourselves.

i first realized that i had unfathomable power at a young age. but, i never used it for good at first. i actually abused it. i had to pray everyday my temper didn't land me in the doghouse for the night. not even paps could keep me grounded.

then after a really bad brawl, papyrus and i had to leave. we went to hotland, where we stayed with our dad. papyrus never finished his schooling, the whole reason why we stayed behind in new home. whenever i couldn't care for him, I gave him puzzles to play with and as you can see, he still loves them.

meanwhile, i helped my dad out with one of his most ambitious projects ever, aside from the core - the determination experiments. with asgore's permission, my dad took the first fallen human's SOUL. he said it was an arduous proposal, but asgore relented in hopes that he would never have to kill another human again. you've probably seen that heart in the lab and yes, that's chara's SOUL. we wanted hers because we learned the red SOULs have the purest form of determination. it was the perfect power source.

one day, however, something went wrong. i didn't want to admit it at the time, but i really did think i was above consequences. my dad told me not to, but i was impatient. i cranked the power more than i was supposed to on the determination extractor. it caused a massive fluctuation of power, overthrowing the machine's stability and overheating the core. a temporary rip in the space-time continuum was made, taking my father and everyone else but papyrus with him. papyrus was the only one i managed to save.

after that, i fought for days on end to bring everyone back. to bring my dad back. but it was too late. i couldn't face the consequences. before the royal guard could storm in, i took papyrus along with everything we owned. we left for snowdin. once we got there, i changed my name to comic sans or just sans.

i tried to replicate the determination extractor over and over again, but to no avail. you needed determination to create a determination extractor. it's silly, i know. it's all one big paradox. that's why i decided to take another approach. i tried to replicate the void and you know what? surprisingly it worked. just not for very long. i tried repeatedly to fix it. but as reports about the anomaly started appearing and despondency settled in, i gave up trying. i destroyed the machine.

it's sorta funny. one of the last things my dad did that morning was confront my anger problem. he said i probably wouldn't learn anything from that lecture, never knowing that i eventually took his words to heart.

after that, i promised to myself i wouldn't fight anymore. i'd keep my anger under control. occasionally i have an off day but other than that, i'm pretty good about it. so i settled down, bought a few joke books, sold some hot dogs and there you have it.

you thought you knew everything about me, but nope. you didn't. guess it really doesn't matter now that you're gone, but i kinda really wanted to get this off my chest.

i gotta admit, of all people, i did not think i'd spill all this out on you. no, i wasn't the greatest person, but everyday i try. and despite everything, i still like to think i have a reason for existing. to protect the timelines from corrupt hands. i trust frisk, though. as long as he keeps doing what he's doing, we'll be safe. and as for you, i decided to give you a chance. i still see a glimmer of a good person in you. someone who once wanted to do the right thing and for once, i believed in you. if only you could've seen it, too.

also, don't worry about your mother. she was deeply distraught when she found out who you really were, but frisk and i are taking care of her. she's doing much better now. gotta tell ya though. she misses you a lot. i don't know where you are right now, asriel, but know that i'm gonna miss you too and even though i hate making promises, i promise to be a good step-father to frisk. and hey, if this relationship does hit the crapper someday, being an uncle works for me too.

rest in peace, kiddo. love you.

your buddy,

sans.

* * *

My child,

This is your mother. I am sorry you had to go through all of this. If only I had known. I would have cared for you. I would have made sure you would not suffer again. Maybe I really am a bad mother.

I understand now why you had been so silent. The most I ever heard from you outside of your journal came from your drawings. Some of them were so violent and distressing. Others were saddening. They broke my heart for days. Originally, Frisk told me you were an orphan. I should have seen it, however. Somedays, your manners are so similar to Asriel's, but I never pieced it together.

No wonder you were so shaken at school. Those humans probably frightened you to death. Know this though, not all humans are bad. Just like not all monsters are good. Maybe it does not matter now.

I realize you were not ready to tell us the truth and that is okay. I have seen a beautiful change in you in the months you were here and at least I got see you one last time.

Good bye, Asriel. Thank you for everything.

With love,

Toriel.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** SURPRISE, SUNDAY UPDATE!

First, I'd like to thank all of you for such an exciting adventure going through this fanfic and reading all of your comments and everything! I had a lot of fun and also, WE'VE ALMOST HIT 100 REVIEWS! YAAAAAAAAAAAY! I've never ever had a fic reach that many reviews before so I just to say that that is amazing in itself guys and I'm so glad you've all enjoyed the fanfic. Seriously, thank you!

Now, I know there's probably a lot of stuff here that has questions and you could leave those questions in the reviews if you want, but I do have a sequel in plan for this fic. Actually I have a four part series planned for this story with this being the first installment. The other three parts are all going to have a "guest of the week" part to them where a new character is introduced into that particular part. Who those people are though are a surprise~! After today, I plan to take a few weeks break from posting, but if you're looking forward to the sequel, you'll probably see it drop sometime in July.

Also, somebody on here asked me a question on here about there being a personal experience drive to this and I want to say "yes" to that. I don't think it's a very big part in the fic but I did personally use some parts to vent. Two particular parts involved Toriel. I don't personally have any hate towards Soriel, but I did have a friendship with somebody who was dating this guy and through some special circumstance, we were friends. However, once that special circumstance faded away, we drifted apart. She became resentful against her boyfriend and a two months later got with another man who I think is horribly ignorant and in a way I blame myself for them being together so I think a part of that came together. I can't go into more detail beyond that, but Flowey's ranting over Soriel did in a way come from that.

Another thing that came from personal experience had to be Flowey and Toriel's relationship in a way. I don't really have the best relationship with my mom as well and I think part of that bled into the fic. Though, overall this fic is based partially on personal experience because I've been journaling consistently for almost a year, myself. Hopefully that helps answer your question. There were probably more parts, but those were the biggest ones because those were on purpose.

There's another thing I want to point out, too and I've been waiting until now to say it. I know I said I wanted to keep this raw, but towards the middle to the end, I thought that some particular entries were either lacking or just had Flowey written as too depressing and pitiful and I didn't like that. So I rewrote some parts to give him a little more "umph!" Because even though it's his journal and he does pour out some personal things, I would imagine that he would still want to maintain his composure.

Anyway, one more chapter this afternoon and the fic will be done!

See you all soon~!

;P


	32. Epilogue

Hi.

Don't worry about me. I'm fine.

Just know that where I am right now, I'm safe.

I'm in a better place. One where no one knows my secrets. No one knows who I really am. I'm sure it won't be for long, because I'm not drinking tea my whole life, but I need time. Time to process everything.

For once, I really wish Frisk would just RESET.


End file.
